Friday, October 28, 2005

Aw.

The worst part of the story, she ended up in FRANCE. Yikes. I hope she didn't step in a poodle.

I couldn't decide on just one picture to use:

Emily the kitty?

Her boyfriend?

Their kitten?

read me...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Wait. You're Supposed To Use WATER?

One of the many reasons I don't drink their crappy beer. They are NOT SMART PEOPLE. Plus, the beer sucks.

read me...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

So...I Guess This Means I'm RETROACTIVELY Healthy?

Hmmm...

read me...

I'm Trying To Keep In Mind That Things Are Most Dark Before The Dawn...

Or some other bullshit platitude. Fuck. I was happy that they fucking MADE IT...but this is just embarrassing. I've stopped wearing my Astros hat in public, for fear of causing someone injury from laughing too hard.

It's not like the Sox are kicking the Astros around the field. All three games have come down to one play, one pitch, one situation...but of course, that could be said of any game that isn't a total blowout. The key players (hell, just about ALL the players) for the Astros simply are not hitting with men on base/in scoring position. The White Sox aren't either; but they seem to be getting better swings than the 'stros. This would be an enjoyable, if nail-biting series if the Astros weren't involved. Fuck.

read me...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'll *cough* Smoke Where *cough* I Damn Well *cough* Please!!!

I'm of two minds on this. The GF smokes; and I do enjoy an occasional cigar. At the same time, I understand that smoke bothers some people; and that servers & bartenders don't seem to get much of a choice in the matter. I think the solution is rather simple: make some bars and restaurants smoke friendly (with signs posted warning people before entry), let people who WANT to work there do so, and make all businesses that do NOT want smoking indoors smoke-free. Telling all businesses that they can't do something seems a bit rigid; like telling them they can't serve fried/fatty foods. Sure, there are things that are bad for you in the world; but make it an individual choice, not a blanket descision.

read me...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Um. Yikes?

Jigga, please.

read me...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I Think I Figured Out Why The Astros Lost Game 5...

Um. Please stop that. People are...uh...trying to get through life. Thanks!

Also, fear not! The archetypal dirty French whore
STILL EXISTS! I know *I* feel a whole lot better knowing that...

read me...

Sorry, Fellers; She's Spoke Fer!

Ann "Brownshirt" Coulter and her beau. Congrats, y'all!

read me...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Please, PLEASE STOP FUCKING!!!!!!!!111

Or at least STOP HAVING LITTLE WATER HEADED REDNECK BABIES. We have more than enough of those, thank you. Read up on how zero population growth might be a GOOD thing, donchayaknow. Have you considered adopting? Nah; hard to get a white christian baby that way, huh? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...

read me...

The Pussification of Kwame, And Other Crap...

Oh, Kwame. WHO FUCKING CARES? First, it's your earring. Then your balls. Stay strong.

Also,
Rick Santorum is still a fucktard. And, YIKES! One more: is this shocking to anyone? War PR has been prevelant since Lincoln's day. Heck, since the frickin' Trojan War. Or before. It's sad; but is it news? Not really. It's "olds".

In other news, I am 90% off book for the show I'm currently rehearsing, "Evangeline". We open next Saturday. Eeek. Fucking Longfellow. You try reading the following phrase, much less MEMORIZING the fucker:

Thinking ever of you, uncertain and sorrowful ever, ever silent, or speaking only of you and his troubles, he at length had become so tedious to men and to maidens, tedious even to me, that at length I sent him to St. Charles to trade for mules with the Spaniards.

Um. REPEAT YOURSELF MUCH, DUDE? I HATES HIM. HATES HIM! I GOT YER GITCHE GUMEE "AT LENGTH", RIGHT IN MY FUCKING DICKIES, YOU EVER TEDIOUS BITCH!!!!!

Anyway. Hi!


read me...

Friday, October 07, 2005

Letter For Buddha? Allah? Krishna? Brahman? Devi? Danu? Ganesha? Shiva? Shakti? Morrigan? Cailleach? Rhiannon? Zeus? Athena? YOU ARE SO SCREWED.

Laïcité is sounding better and better. If only the streets of Paris weren't peppered with dog poop mines. Meh.

read me...

Best Article Title EVER!

On this, we agree. I, too deny Bush's "god"!

read me...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Too Bad We Don't Have A "Presidential Brown-noser"...OH WAIT.

Billy, from Bethel, CT writes:
Hi, I would like to say that Bush is has the right idea about the "No Child Left Behind" program. Now clebrating its second year, for the first time children in the* grades 3-8 will be tested with reading and math tests to figure out their abilities to work with such subjects. Great job and keep up the good work. Billy*

Harriet Miers
Hi, Billy, and good next question!

Um. Harriet? BILLY DIDN'T ASK A FUCKING QUESTION, OKAY? HE LICKED BUSH'S BROWNEYE. DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A LAW DEGREE? DO YA? DID THEY TEACH HOW TO IDENTIFY QUESTIONS AT YOUR LAW SCHOOL? I'LL GIVE YOU A WEE TIP, DARLIN': QUESTIONS GENERALLY INVOLVE SOME FORM OF REQUEST FOR INFORMATION, AND END WITH THIS PUNCUATION MARK:


?

Yeah. She's SWELL, huh?

* the mistakes above are "Billy's", left intact and unedited, as you will see if you follow the link...methinks he was left behind LONG AGO.

read me...

YAY!

Okay. Next on the agenda: outlaw politicians, so that we can avoid such situations in the FIRST place...

read me...

Up And Away, Into The Wild Blue Yon...OH LOOK, THERE'S GOD!!!!!11

"It's a shocking disgrace that I had to file this thing," Weinstein told The Associated Press.

Yes. Yes, it is.

read me...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Land Of The...Um...Free?

Wow. Little pink houses, for you and me. I think people who want to crack down on immigration must not eat fruit or vegetables, need their houses or buildings cleaned, or have any other shitty job performed that "legals" (for the most part) are too proud to do.

read me...

Monday, October 03, 2005

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

My favorite:

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

Well. Duh.

read me...